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Are You a Worrier or Warrior?

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What keeps you up at night? What problems consume your thoughts, causing you to assume something bad is going to happen? Would you rather be a worrier or would you rather be a warrior when it comes to the troubles in your life? Worrying is a common struggle for all of us. There’s always something to worry about: kids, jobs, health, money, etc.

Parents worry if their kids will be okay at a friend’s house, at a park down the street, at a party, or out with friends. They worry about their kids making wise decisions when they’re with their friends. Husbands and wives worry about their spouse’s safety, their health, their job, and their faithfulness. But worry doesn’t have to consume you.  You can choose to fight back. Instead of being a worrier you can be a warrior. Here’s how:

A Worrier is passive, a Warrior is proactive.

For example, a worrier who is concerned about their child’s friends will fret, maybe complain, but just hope nothing bad happens. But a warrior gets to know their kids’ friends and their families, teaching their kids how to handle difficult or dangerous situations that might happen. The warrior also shows his kids how to stand strong for what is good and right.

A Worrier is paralyzed by fear. A Warrior admits fear but does what’s needed anyway.

For example, when a bully strikes family or friends, the worrier will avoid the bully in silence. But a warrior will overcome fear and do what’s needed: stand up to, speak out against, and report the bully.

A Worrier only finds peace when things go their way. A Warrior finds peace regardless.

When everything is going well on the job, at home, and in life, the worrier is at peace. But when the slightest thing goes wrong, the worrier is in complete turmoil. But a warrior finds comfort and peace even when major storms in life hit home because he knows God is in control of all things.

A Worrier becomes isolated and lonely. A Warrior seeks wise counsel and advice.

For example, a worrier consumed with financial concerns is likely to keep the problems quiet, assuming they should figure it out. But a proactive warrior confides in others they trust to get helpful advice and objective perspectives on how to handle their financial stress.

A Worrier obsesses with problems. A Warrior searches for solutions.

For example, a worrier concerned that their spouse may be dealing with an addiction might obsess on what the spouse is doing and be anxious about the spouse’s weaknesses and faults. A warrior looks for answers by getting help to address the problem.

A Worrier lacks trust. A Warrior trusts God in all things.

This is a tough one because we all worry sometimes. But worry is really not trusting in the all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present God. A warrior trusts God—trusts that He is always with us, that He is always good, that He always loves us, and, that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

No one ever worried themselves out of worrying. No one ever worried themselves out of worrying. Eventually, a worrier who is weary of the worry needs hope and help. So go to God, trusting Him for answers and peace. Be proactive in prayer. Ask God to help you to release your worries. Don’t just say you’ll pray about your worries…get on your knees somewhere and actually pray.

Sound off: What is the most challenging thing about being a warrior rather than a worrier? 

The post Are You a Worrier or Warrior? appeared first on All Pro Dad.

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cheerfulscreech
73 days ago
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A Simple Yet Amazing Way to Improve Your Marriage

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On our weekly date night as a couple, my wife and I often ask and answer these few important questions: “What am I doing right?… What do I need to do more of or improve in?… What is one way that I can serve you this week?” Surprisingly, our answers are almost always about things at opposite ends of the marriage spectrum. And honestly, after nearly 19 years of marriage, we shouldn’t be too surprised by it but have actually come to expect it.

My wife and I are so different in many ways, and as a result of that, like most couples, we see things from different perspectives. Some things that are important to me are not nearly as important to her and vice versa. Do you find this to be true in your marriage relationship as well? Does it ever cause tension between the two of you? Here’s a simple exercise to help you improve your marriage and learn how to love your spouse a little bit better.

Try it, I dare you. It’s as simple and finding out the answer to this question: What are the top 3 areas of importance in your relationship with your spouse? Do you know what they are?

Here’s an easy as 1-2-3 way to find out.

  • Make a list of 10-12 areas of importance in your lives together (a clean house, unity in parenting, financial stability, a great sex life, good communication, peace with the in-laws, etc.).
  • Ask your wife to select the top three that are most important to her. Even allow her to add areas you may have missed if needed.
  • Once you’ve identified your spouse’s “Top 3,” honestly evaluate yourself (or better yet let your spouse evaluate you) by answering this question: “How am I doing at prioritizing these specific areas and what could I do differently or better in these areas?”

Allow your spouse to give you feedback. Because while all of the areas are important to get right, some are more important to your spouse than others, and you need to know which ones in order to be successful.

My wife and I have found that some of our most productive conversations come when we are willing to honestly and transparently answer each other’s questions and get specific about what matters most to us. Sometimes this happens at scheduled times like date nights, and other times this happens spontaneously and at unexpected moments like right before we’re about to fall asleep. We’ve learned to embrace them both.

We’ve also found that one of the fastest ways to get nowhere in your marriage is simply to assume your spouse knows what you’re thinking and thinks the same way you do. This breeds frustration and resentment over time. But by intentionally seeking to know and pursue each other’s personal needs and desires above our own, we have found one of the greatest keys to happiness in our marriage. Because…

The better you know your spouse, the better you can love your spouse.

The better you know your spouse, the better you can love your spouse.Someone once wisely gave me this advice about my wife. “To be successful, you need to know what makes her tick, and you also need to know what ticks her off.” That is some simple but good advice and this exercise is an easy way to help you to follow it. (If you haven’t already, another great way to help narrow down what your wife prioritizes in your relationship is to identify her love language at 5lovelanguages.com)

Once you know how to live successfully with your spouse by better understanding her and you’re willing to make some changes, you can often make all the difference between a good marriage and a great one.

Sound off: What changes are you going to make to improve your marriage?

The post A Simple Yet Amazing Way to Improve Your Marriage appeared first on All Pro Dad.

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cheerfulscreech
75 days ago
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Spanish Soccer League App Spies on Fans

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The Spanish Soccer League's smartphone app spies on fans in order to find bars that are illegally streaming its games. The app listens with the microphone for the broadcasts, and then uses geolocation to figure out where the phone is.

The Spanish data protection agency has ordered the league to stop doing this. Not because it's creepy spying, but because the terms of service -- which no one reads anyway -- weren't clear.

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cheerfulscreech
115 days ago
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Stack

3 Comments and 13 Shares
Gotta feel kind of bad for nation-state hackers who spend years implanting and cultivating some hardware exploit, only to discover the entire target database is already exposed to anyone with a web browser.
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alt_text_bot
123 days ago
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Gotta feel kind of bad for nation-state hackers who spend years implanting and cultivating some hardware exploit, only to discover the entire target database is already exposed to anyone with a web browser.
cheerfulscreech
122 days ago
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2 public comments
tante
122 days ago
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The modern tech stack
Berlin/Germany
jepler
122 days ago
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#toomuchtruth
Earth, Sol system, Western spiral arm

3 Ways Parents Contribute to Poor Self-Image in Teens

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Heartbreaking. There’s no other word to describe that feeling when your daughter, who plays 3 sports, who you’re constantly barking at to eat more, and who you think is one of the most beautiful people on the planet says, “Ugh, my face is fat.” Or when you overhear your son, who has the most compassionate heart you’ve ever seen, make fun of someone as he sits with his friends because he knows it makes him look tough.

Teenagers learn to be master contortionists. They twist themselves into whatever shape they’re told they need to be in order to fit in. And they receive these messages in many ways through many different sources. These messages come from school, friends, religious groups, advertising, social media, books, basically everywhere. Some messages are good. But many are not and lead them to have a poor self-image. Of course we can’t really avoid this dynamic, but unfortunately, we too often contribute. Here’s how:

1. We don’t talk about what media they are consuming.

Have you ever engaged your child in a conversation about a commercial you just watched or why they are feverishly checking their social media profile for likes?

Have you listened to the songs they listen to and talked with them about the lyrics?

How about movies? That Netflix series she’s binge-watching? That book he loves?

I know your teenager acts like they don’t care what you think. Talk with them anyway. Notice I said ‘with’ not ‘to’. Don’t lecture, but do engage. You’re opinion matters more than you think. Help your teen see how media is shaping the way she sees herself.

2. We tell our teen who they are instead of helping them discover who they are.

Your teen is not a younger version of you. Your goal is not to make sure she gets to do all the things you never got to do. She is her own person. One of the best things you can do for your teens’ self-image is to help her recognize her unique interests and talents and encourage her to pursue them.

As she begins to see her gifts and use them in ways that contribute positively, she will develop a stronger sense of who she is and the gift she is to the world.

3. We never ask our teens to take responsibility for anything.

We can fall into the trap of believing our job as parents is to make our kids’ lives easy. They’re kids, after all, just let them be kids. It’s a parent’s job to do the dishes, mow the lawn, clean the house, do the laundry, kids should be free to hang out with their friends, play sports and get their homework done.

Requiring our teens to take responsibility at home is a great way to build their belief that they have something of value to contribute to the world.But this attitude overlooks the fact that helping our teen take responsibility for his life is critical for positively building our teens’ self-image. Requiring our teens to take responsibility at home is a great way to build their belief that they have something of value to contribute to the world. I’m not saying he’ll love it. He’ll probably fight you. But in the end, his ability to contribute positively at home will teach him that he is capable of contributing positively elsewhere. (And when he’s the one at college teaching his roommates to cook and do their laundry, or the employee who knows how to take initiative on his own, he’ll begin to see the impact of this.)

By actively involving ourselves we can be a positive influence in building our teens’ self-image and their understanding of their place in the world.

Sound off: Thinking back on your time as a teenager, what influenced your view of yourself the most?

The post 3 Ways Parents Contribute to Poor Self-Image in Teens appeared first on All Pro Dad.

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cheerfulscreech
138 days ago
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How to Balance Being Your Child’s Parent and Friend

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Every good parent wants their child to like them. In fact, it’s a good thing if your children actually enjoy being around you, and you enjoy being around them. However, there’s a natural tension in families when childhood clashes with parenthood. And as we all know, they do, and will, clash. There will be times when our children will want their way, and as their authority, we will have to make a critical choice. To do what they want… or to do what they need. To be their friend… or to be their parent.

All parents struggle with this. And to get this right could be a game changer, but to get it wrong could be a game ender. Our children’s future relationships and our own future relationship with our children depends on this.

The Good News…

The good news is that it is possible and even important that we be both our child’s parent AND our child’s friend. But this has to be in the right order – parent first, friend second. The key word is to intentionally PRIORITIZE. Rather than trying to prioritize being your child’s friend no matter the cost, prioritize first and foremost your responsibility to be your child’s parent. Because anyone can be your child’s friend, but not just anyone can be your child’s parent.

The temptation is real for us as parents to cave into the desires and demands of our children, making sure they are never upset or never go without what they want. Because let’s be honest, no parent wants for their children to be upset with them. However, there is a great danger in this. If we’re not careful, we will neglect our primary role of being a parent in exchange for temporarily being a friend.

Oftentimes this is displayed by parents caving in to the wishes and whimpers of their child, or parents tiptoeing around being firm with their children when it is most needed.

Sadly, many parents get this wrong. I know I have at times. But trying to be your child’s friend first could actually make you their enemy in the long-run, by marginalizing your current authority and your child’s future respect for you.

I love the way my friend, Jeffrey Reed, put this… “If you act too strongly on your desire to have your child be your friend, you might actually make her/him an enemy. Lead well. Love strongly. Trust God that they will not leave “the way” when they are older. Friendship will come. For now, be a parent.” 

Frederick Douglass worded it well when he said, “It’s easier to build strong children than it is to repair broken men.”

Important Reminders

Being a friend comes easy. It’s knowing when to be a parent that’s difficult. So here are some practical reminders for knowing when to be a parent, not a friend:

  • When what your child wants conflicts with what you know they need, be a parent.
  • When your child is being disrespectful, argumentative, or manipulative, be a parent.
  • When your child is being disobedient or misbehaving, don’t excuse their behavior. Be a parent, and deal with it.
  • When it’s more convenient to be a friend, but you know you should be a parent, be a parent.

I believe that every parent should strive to have an absolutely amazing relationship with their child if at all possible. But we all know there are times when being both a parent and a friend just won’t mix. We only have 18 short years to be our child’s parent. We have a lifetime to be their friend.Children often need direction and correction, and friendship just doesn’t cut it in those moments. Simply remember that you’ve got to care more about your child’s future than you do about your child’s feelings, and you will set them up for a lifetime of success.

We only have 18 short years to be our child’s parent. We have a lifetime to be their friend.

Sound off: How are you doing at balancing being a parent and a friend?

The post How to Balance Being Your Child’s Parent and Friend appeared first on All Pro Dad.

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cheerfulscreech
145 days ago
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